So SMALL and FRAGILE. Eyes FUSED shut. As SMALL as my hand. HIS hand as big as the TIP of my finger. WEIGHING as much as 6 STICKS of BUTTER. Lungs too PREMATURE to work. Born with an INFECTION. So fragile he could only be touched with GLOVED HANDS. Diapers SMALLER than most cell phones. Many bouts with SEPSIS, HUNDREDS of IV's, almost 6 MONTHS of his life in the HOSPITAL. 1 PERFORATED bowel, 1 illiostomy. 2 IV burns, one HUGE scar on his foot. FUNGAL BALL in the heart? We'll never really know! 3 surgeries, 3 BIG scars on his CHEST and ABDOMEN. 1 major CARDIAC ARREST.
ONE HUGE MIRACLE
Where in the world did the last year go? I can't believe that Grayson is ONE! I have to admit that sadly, I don't remember a lot of details of the last year. Between sleep deprivation and stress I think blocking things out was one of my coping mechanisms. Grayson, by medical standards shouldn't be alive. He is such a MIRACLE! As I sat and held him in the middle of the night last night I just cried. I looked through some of his NICU pictures and didn't realize how raw those wounds still are. Look at the little BOOGER now! 18lb. 8oz. 28 inches long and finally on the "normal chart"! He is still very behind developmentally, so we will keep working with him! We love you GRAYSON. We have the happiest baby ever! What would we do without you?
We are going to ask you to PLEASE leave a memory of Grayson's first year (good or bad, we want them all) in the comments. I want him to be able to hear from other people how things were! THANKYOU, THANKYOU, THANKYOU!!!
Thanks to all of the medical personnel who treated Grayson (and me) so well. We wouldn't be doing so well without you guys! (in no particular order) Heather, Erika, Tammy, Margaret, Keri, Vicki, Dayna, Wendee, Darrin, Joel, Aletha, Mel, Katie, Jen X3, Lacy, Jayda, Suely, Jessica, Jonna, Carly, Becky Lisa X3, Lyn, Reggie, Don, Ron, Steve, Ryan, Fino, McKade, Janalynn, Dr. Gerday, Dr. Minton, Dr. Ogden, Dr, Stoddard, Susan, Jenny, Allison, I will continue to add to the list! Sorry if your name isn't here yet! I have few brain cells and need some reminding!
12 comments:
I remember walking through Smith's Market Place the day after Grayson had been Life-Flighted to PCMC with his perforated bowel. They had told me they weren't sure if he would make it because of how sick he was acting. I needed a couple of things @ the store, but got there and felt lost. I was by myself and very stressed. Over the sound system I heard "Breath of Heaven" by Amy Grant playing. At first it talks about Mary was chosen to carry HIS son. I felt that way, but was I good enough for Grayson. (Listen to the words sometime, I felt they all applied to ME) Then the chorus rang out something like this "Breath of heaven, hold me together. Be forever near me, breath of heaven." I lost it. I had to turn around and leave. I sat in my car and prayed so hard. I pleaded with my Father in Heaven to PLEASE let me keep my "breath of heaven". I can't handle anything else right now. I need him. When I got back to Grayson's bedside, he was not doing very well. They were having a hard time keeping him stablized. It was heart-wrenching thinking I might lose him. Little did I know that wouldn't be the last time. I still tear up when I hear that song. I sure am glad that I am his mom!
Hi Tiff, this is Jamie Reid, I found your blog on Mandys. What a neat family you have. You have had some major challenges but I am glad to see everyone doing well!
Wow all of your kids have grown so much since I have seen you, especially Grayson! You are such a great Mommy they are lucky to have you :) and I'm lucky to have you as such a great friend.
I remember that the day I came to visit when Porter was in the NICU and then when Grayson was in the NICU were both the days they just happened to be transfered to have heart surgery... we were all so, so worried.
I am so proud and blessed to have met you guys. I am so thankful that Grayson was doing so well that he got to make a trip to Alabama and spend some fun times with us. What a huge blessing. He is such a joy to our family. Brennen just adores him and wants to look at his pictures on the computer when I am checking your blog. I remember feeling just awful the day Grayson bottomed out and they told you to call your family in. I was so upset. We had already fallen in love with your family. You will never know how much it meant to Allen and I for you to be there for us in the hospital. You so unselfishly watched Brennen for us when we almost lost Reagan, and then a week and a day later, we almost lost Grayson! Those were some hard times! I am glad those days are behind us. Even through it all, Grayson would always smile at us. The cutest smile! His smile can light up a room. Happy Birthday Buddy! You are truly a miracle! I thank God for you! I love you!
Jeri Ann
Wow, you really know how to make me cry, Tiff! I loved this post, and this will definitely be something you will look back on years from now, and STILL cry and thank the Lord for ALL of your miracles. You truly have been blessed in so many ways!
Porter always seems to have a smile on his face, and I love that about him! Such a happy kid for what he's gone through! Good think he'll have no recolection of it!
I remember when I came to see Grayson for the first time. Never had i seen such a miricle!! To be so little and perfect...What a blessing. I had to take one of his dipers home to show all the kids the smallest diaper in history.
When I got to hold him for the first time, His binky was as big as his head. The tears just ran down my face cause I could feel the peace of the comforter watching over him.
What a blessing in our lives. I love you Grayson,
Love aunt kimi
Tiff & Jim,
Memories of Grayson are so profound! From day 1 when we looked into his little bed and saw more tubes than boy. Your right, he was small, but something at that time gave me peace and comfort to know that he was here and ready to fight.
The next memory is the time we all spent together at the PCMC, lOoking over his little bed, wondering what Heavenly Father had in store for him. What we found, was a profound love from Him as the McEvoy's and the Alley's, and others, joined together to ask SPECIAL blessings upon Grayson, Jim and you!
There was comfort that night, comfort in knowing that we had done all we could do, the medical team was doing all they could do, and that we had actually turned our hopes and prayers to Him.
I know prayers are answered, and we had plenty this first year, and hope for more in the coming years. We are SO blessed in our lives. Blessed in so many ways and situations, that we often lose track and should offer more 'Thank You's.
Thank You Tiff, for being the Mom, wife and daughter you are.
OH, and by the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG BOY, GRAYSON!!!
All our love to the Miracle Family in Provo,
Grandpa Mac
Oh man so many memories! I remember the day that he was born being back on your c-section and thinking "This guy looks really good for being 25 weeks and having an infection!" I also remember feeling so bad for you and your family for having to spend ANOTHER few months with us! However I felt very happy for myself because I knew the next few months were going to be great for me! I would have a friend at work everyday! It made my day go by much quicker! That little guy has been through so much! I truly enjoyed every minute that I got to spend with him! He was such a joy to take care of! We enjoyed many days of snuggle time. I think Dr Gerday told people many time "I think she is getting ready for her baby?" because every time he came into our corner I was snuggling your little one! We were buddies :) Thank you Grayson...and Tiff for making my work so enjoyable! I am so happy that he is doing so well now! He is such an adorable boy and I just love him! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
I remember visiting you in the hospital while you were on bed rest. I wanted to do, or bring something that would make it go by faster and easier- but how do you do that? I just felt so bad. Then I hear a few days later you HAD GRAYSON! I was so shocked and worried. I told my Mother-In-Law about it and she just cried for you guys. During all those months of hospitals and surgeries I just watched from a distance praying for him. I felt at a loss for helping but at the same time wanted to do what I could.
Thanks for all the text message updates on him. Even though I was a silent visitor I felt like I was there and my heart went out to you guys the whole time. I even put his name in the temple when I went the ONE time during the whole ordeal. ;)
He is such a MIRACLE and I think you are the BEST Mom! =)
Dear sweet baby! I cannot believe you are a year old already! Babies just grow too fast. You were one sick boy and you have been through so much but... you are strong and are willing to do what it takes to be the boy you are today. I did not get to take as much care of you as I did your brothers but I saw you as often as I could. Everyone in the unit loves you and your family! You are a miracle and Happy 1st Birthday!! I love you!! Lisa
Grayson,
At Primary Children's I sat alone with you right after your bowel surgery. The Dr. had said operating on you was like working with "wet kleenex." Your sedated little body was full of infection.
As I watched you, it seemed impossible that you could heal and grow up strong. I was drained myself from other needs but I knew you needed prayers.(I had walked straight over from U of U Hospital where Aunt Liz had her emergency C-section).
"Heavenly Father," I began "this soul needs our strong faith, but I feel weak tonight, and I don't know if I can offer the support he needs in the days ahead..." Before I could say more, the Spirit told me plainly, HE WILL MAKE IT. And I knew the Power of the Priesthood--the Power of the Creator--dwarfs even the miracles of medicine.
Since then, sometimes when I've held you, I've smiled at you and sort of thought, "Remember? We KNEW you would make it," and I think you smile back at me like you knew, too.
(Besides your Heavenly Father, your earthly father is A Man Among Men. And you'll grow up to be just like him! And you know your great Mom adores you!)
I hope you don't mind, but I found your blog on your Christmas letter that is hanging in the NICU at UVRMC. On Jan 1st, our little Darbi was born at just 23 1/2 weeks. Thank you for sharing your story of your little Grayson. It gives my wife and I much hope for the future of our daughter.
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